• News/Talk
  • Music
  • Entertainment
Welcome to Weekend America
Weekend America Primary Navigation
The Other Emmys

The Other Emmys

Related entries:

As heard on our September 17 broadcast...

Liane Bonin's Emmy Awards — And the winner is...

Best Reality TV Carwreck - Taradise

Best Skateboarding House Pet

Most Disturbing Performance by a '70s Icon

Most Convincing Evidence that Feminism Is Dead - The Girls Next Door

Filthiest Show on Basic Cable TV - Dirty Jobs

Best Reason to Hire an Interior Decorator - In A Fix

Best Way to Rationalize Schadenfraude - Starting Over

Best Reason to Bring Back Music Videos - Older Babes Younger Guys

Best Reason to Keep Your Car Up - Overhaulin'

Most Likely to Suffer Technical Difficulties - Wild West Tech



Best Reality TV Carwreck - Taradise
Until Courtney Love gets her own reality TV show, we'll have to make do with Tara Reid. This show basically documents Tara as she pursues the fine art drinking herself sick in chic nightclubs all over the world. This is a big step for Tara, who made her name as a quote-unquote actress in American Pie and a lot of B-movies that never made it to theaters, because at one point she was really, really trying to convince us she was a serious actress and not just a party girl. But since that didn't work out, she's finally come to really understand what her two main skills are -- drinking and partying -- and she's set out to share those with us, the lucky home viewing audience, at the expense of any fantasy she may ever win an Oscar or appear in anything other than cheesy slasher movies for the rest of her fifteen minutes of fame. You go, girl!


Best Skateboarding House Pet
Remember Stupid Pet Tricks on Letterman? Well, some brilliant TV producer decided that was worth a whole series, which tells you exactly how hard it is to fill a full day of programming on Animal Planet. The purpose of the show is to allow obsessive pet owners with too much time on their hands a chance to feel that teaching their bull dog how to skateboard wasn't just a sad, meaningless way of spending their lonely free time, but a step towards fame and fortune. As a pet owner who is just thrilled my dogs aren't peeing on the carpet anymore, most of the time, I'm not sure whether these people are pathetic losers, or just much better pet owners than me, so I watch with a mixture of fascination and deep, deep self-loathing. Which goes well with chips, by the way.


Most Disturbing Performance by a '70s Icon
America's Next Top Model winner Adrianne Curry, who's 22, and former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight, who's much too old for her, fell in love on the Surreal Life, and then invited cameras to film their passionate love affair. And then they asked Florence Henderson to be their therapist. Yes, this is a good way to let love flourish.



Most Convincing Evidence that Feminism Is Dead - The Girls Next Door
See, this show is, like, about these girls who live with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy mansion, and they're his girlfriends, and they're really really sweet and they all have puppies! Yay! Just writing that, I felt my IQ plummet, and I hope that's only temporary. Watching this show, you can actually mark the exact moment that feminism dies. The tragic part is all of these girls refer to the mansion as their house, which makes you want to scream at the TV set, honey, that's true only until you turn 25 or gain five pounds, then it's back to Burger King with you! But you have to hand it to Hef -- he really tries to feign an interest in his blow-up doll girlfriends and their puppies and their eyeshadow traumas. And in return, they feign an interest in actually kissing him. It's really a perfect system.


Filthiest Show on Basic Cable TV - Dirty Jobs
The Shield and Nip Tuck got a lot of hype for pushing the dirty word envelope, but this Discovery Channel show wins the prize for being the filthiest show on TV. Because it's about garbage. And while UPN programs garbage pretty much every day of the week, this is the real stuff. The host of the show hangs out with trash pickers across the country to look at the crap we put in the garbage. No, I'm not making this up. It's a dirty job, but apparently someone has to film it.



Best Reason to Hire an Interior Decorator - In A Fix
On this show, bitter women bring in professionals to fix the mess their husbands made of simple home improvement repairs. The sad part of this show is it's taking away the one socially acceptable method of passive aggressive husbands to get even with their domineering, shrewish wives, which is by botching paint jobs and ripping out kitchen tile without replacing it. I mean, what are these guys going to do now? I honestly think this show is going to create a huge surge in divorces. Sad, sad, sad.



Best Way to Rationalize Schadenfraude - Starting Over
Six women with big problems move into a house, cry a lot, freak out, bitch at each other about not washing the dishes, and we get to watch it all without feeling terribly guilty, because there's an overlay of feel-good therapeutic self-help. It's like Oprah narrating a carwreck. Can't beat it.


Best Reason to Bring Back Music Videos - Older Babes Younger Guys
VH1 has done a great job of ripping music videos off the air to replace them with ridiculous clip shows that feature a lot of so-called experts yakking pointlessly about things that aren't important. Like this show, in which we get to look at old footage of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher holding hands, and hear about why Demi really wants a baby from someone who's never met her. Yes, makes you yearn for a Kajagoogoo video.


Best Reason to Keep Your Car Up - Overhaulin'
The basic concept of this show is pretty warm and fuzzy -- someone secretly nominates a friend of theirs who has a beater car to get a complete car makeover. But the catch is, thanks to Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd generation, practical jokes must be played on the poor sap getting the car overhaul, who is usually convinced his ride's been stolen or repossessed or picked up by the IRS. So, in return for a new car, he gets to throw screaming tantrums and threaten to break kneecaps on national television. And then, once they get their souped up ride with the massive stereo system, you can pretty much count the minutes until it's stripped when they park it on a public street. Considering Earl Scheib will paint your car for $200, this show is really a lesson in taking care of your wheels so these people never, ever come to your house.


Most Likely to Suffer Technical Difficulties - Wild West Tech
This show, hosted by David Carradine, is trying really really hard to give guys what they want. Guys like the old west, and they like technology, right? So, short of hooking up Jesse James with an IPod, we have this show, which spends an awful lot of time trying to show us how bear traps and tomahawks work, which would be fine if the show were about four minutes long. But it's not. Which leaves David Carradine to make bad jokes and walk around in a cowboy hat and fringed chaps.

Post your Emmy Award suggestions here...

Posted by Josh Berman on September 16, 2005

Section Bottom
Date Archive
July 2008
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
    1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31    
Section Bottom