The Big Cry
August 29, 2011
Listened to the show Saturday and it was not bad. I've been busy with the usual school preparations, and was sorting through pens and pencils and notebooks while the music played on. I love this time of year -- how the air smells, the cool nights, the kids' nervous energy, the idea of book-filled backpacks and apple pie. I love school. Always have.
The difference this year is that not only are the three kids all in different schools, but one of them is going away to college. Away. And I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping at night because I am so excited for her. A bit envious, perhaps. This is it, I tell her. This is your time, and who knows what will happen next. The world is large and full of wonder, and she's got the ignition key for the Big Tour Bus of Life. Where will she go? Whom will she bring home? What will she become? What great gift will she choose to give?
I lie awake thinking about how Mr. Sundberg and I have done our job. A few glitches along the way, mind you. But we've taught her how to live without us, and in a matter of hours, she'll be off. Not that we won't be here with to listen, to give advice, for emergency cash and duct tape and cookies. But, for all practical purposes, she's on her way now, and it's all right and good. Just as it should be.
I remember how she smelled as an infant. I know how she smells now. She smells like flowers and fresh air, and this is so painful, and if I've cried, it's been only for a few moments now and then, thinking about her blue nail polish, her pale skin, her black Converse high-tops, and how, when she sleeps, she purrs. And what it feels like to hear her say, "Momma."
The Big Cry will come later, probably sometime late in the evening, and it will feel pretty good. I may even go out in the backyard and do it, under the stars, where I don't have to be as quiet, where I can lie in the grass -- roll a bit, even -- and let it all spill. It's so hard to let go of my daughter, but she can't be a beacon if her light don't shine. And that's all I have to say for the moment.
Here is a mouth-watering dish, perfect if you've just gone fishing in Alaska and have a boatload of salmon filets to cook up. Make a big ol' salad on the side, and some warm bread, and fresh green beans.
1 1/2 # salmon
1/3 c soy sauce
1/3 c brown sugar
1/3 c water
1/4 c vegetable/olive oil
Mix & refrigerate.
Brush olive oil on grill and grill 6-8 minutes each side. To bake in the oven, which works just fine, place filets skin side down with about half a cup of the marinade. Place in oven and bake about 15 minutes. Salmon will turn reddish-pink when it's done.