Dear Garrison,
I've been listening to your show for years now and I've always appreciated the Irish and Scottish folk music, Phil Cunningham and Aly Bain, the Battlefield Band, and Boys of the Lough. And now I've started playing the stuff myself (my flatmates can probably blame you for some of their woes). Anyway, I would love to know if you are planning another tour of the UK and/or Ireland any time in the near future? I've listened to your brilliant 2000 shows from Edinburgh and Dublin in the archives and it would be fantastic if you paid our fair city another visit. After all 2000 was a wee while ago.

Emily
Edinburgh, Scotland

It was a wee while ago, Emily, and I remember that spring very well. We were in Queen's Hall in Edinburgh and in the studios of Irish Radio in Dublin and we had the Boys in Edinburgh and in Dublin we had a number of musicians including a lovely man named Frank Harte, who has since flown from the earth. He was an architect by trade, employed by the city of Dublin, I believe, but his great love was Irish song, and he sang beautifully in that strong but delicately ornamented style that you only hear over there. It was absolutely rivetting to hear him. And now I hear the same style carried on by the astonishing Brendan Begley of the Boys of the Lough. We're delighted to be an American way station for Scottish and Irish musicians travelling in the States, but at the moment there are no plans to go to Edinburgh. I wanted to do the Book Festival this year but couldn't because the show will be touring in August. I still remember August, 1995, in Edinburgh during a heat wave, when 10,000 pipers marched through town to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the end of World War II. Men and women in heavy woollen plaids marching by on Queen Street, sweat pouring down them, and all of that glorious music, one band after another. The show used to be aired in the UK on BBC7 but isn't anymore, nor is it carried by Irish radio, and so we haven't a local sponsor, which makes it awkward and much too much work to organize a trip as complicated as that. But we'll be at the Minnesota State Fair in St. Paul at the end of August, if you want to fly over. Your chance to eat deep-fried cheese curds and corn on the cob and a Pronto-Pup. How can you not?

Mr. Keillor,
I thoroughly enjoy your show but your appearance at Wolf Trap, just down the road from us, falls on the night that my fiancee, Yianna, and I are getting married. Would you consider rescheduling the Wolf Trap appearance to a time that would be more convenient for my wife-to-be and me, when it doesn't conflict with a major life event?

Thanks for considering!

Nick M.
Tysons Corner, VA

Bring Yianna over to Wolf Trap, Nick, after the wedding and we'll bring you out on stage and 6000 people will sing "Can't Help Falling In Love" to the two of you. The show starts at 6 pm EDT. But you have to be wearing your wedding outfits. And bring the wedding party, if you like.

G'day,
my name is Kent, I'm visiting from Australia. I was put onto your show by a lady in Portland, Oregon, we shared an ashtray outside a coffee house and shared a gorgeous conversation. The thing is that I completely failed to ask her out when the time was right and the only way I can think to find her again is via your show.Her name is Alison, she has long blonde curly hair, she is a Jungian therapist. She doesn't believe in umbrellas, is proud of being tight with money, doesn't care much for fancy clothes but knows she looks mighty fine in blue jeans. She is smart, beautiful and charming. Her smile filled me with joy, her eyes saw straight through me without trying. If Alison wants to give me a second chance she can e mail me at kentparkstreet at yahoo.com.au, maybe join me for a coffee at Caffe D'arte one day?

In the name of intercontinental romance I hope you can get this message out to her. I've been kicking myself for a week for not asking her out, I've never met anyone like her.

Thank you, and thanks for the marvelous radio show,
Kent Parkstreet.

Dear Mr. Keillor,
I was just wondering what your thoughts were about self publishing books. Do you think it's a good idea for someone that wants to really become a writer, or should they stay the course and continue to query agents in hopes of one day being picked up by an agent?

Thanks!
Tony G.
Harker Heights TX

Self-deception is the occupational hazard among writers. It's awfully hard to look at our own work objectively and so we might be filled with loathing for something that's actually worthwhile. Or we might be in love with something that is practically unreadable. We look at it and see what we intended it to be and not what's there. And so we send the work to a disinterested party, somebody unrelated to us, somebody who can easily say no, and we hope for their good opinion. We're asking them to invest money in us, and money serves to focus their attention. They're on the line. When you publish yourself, you're skipping some of these steps and taking a big risk with your own money. I've seen so few self-published books that were worth anyone's time. "Vanity publishing" is a pretty accurate term for them. The authors believed in their own genius to the point that they dispensed with the services of an editor, and it shows. Having said that, though, I must confess that I am planning to publish myself this summer: a collection of sonnets and also a collection of newspaper columns. Good luck to you, whatever you do.

Post to the Host:
Thanks for having Bob Elliott on the April 5th show. Bob and Ray are two of the all-time greats of comedy. But, based on the amount of laughter, it seems many people today do not remember all of the great skits like Garish Towers and Einbinder flypaper. Maybe Bob should have mentioned the Monongahela steel ingots that no housewife should be without. I listen to all the old Bob and Ray shows on XM Radio. A great listen even after all these years.

Kjell

Fooled you, Kjell. That wasn't Mr. Elliott, it was Tim Russell doing Bob Elliott doing Wally Ballou. Every radio guy of a certain age can do Wally Ballou, Bob and Ray's intrepid interviewer who was a consummate radio man, famous for his man-on-the-street interviews which you never hear on radio anymore. Ordinary passers-by, asked serious questions, as if they were celebs. You hear ordinary people on call-in shows but they're always rushed by the host, cut off, not given a chance to be expansive, which Wally Ballou's interviewees always were. Wally was the soul of gracious good manners. We impersonated Bob in order to honor him on his 85th birthday. When and if I ever turn 85, I'd be pleased if somebody did an impersonation of me.

Post to the Host:
I was shocked at Nellie McKay's reply (APHC 4/12 Show) to your comments about her apparently dazzling coat… that she stole it!
… You made light of this illegal act, an honest to god crime. I expected at least some kind of admonishment from you that she shouldn't do such things. Very disappointing.

Marion N.
Kenai, AK

I guess I assumed she was joking, Marion. It was a gown, not a coat, and it wasn't the sort of gown that I imagine there's a lot of demand for, so even if she had stolen it, I think the proprietor might have been grateful to have collected on the insurance. At any rate, we were engaging in some rapid repartee—she is very quick and smart—and I wasn't going to stop and give her a lecture about property rights. Or a lie-detector test. Not my job.

Mr. Keillor -
Our company down here in East Texas recently hired a nice young lady from North Dakota who recently graduated from college. She often uses the term "Holy Buckets" in conversation. She seems to use this phrase when trying to express surprise at an interesting or alarming fact or comment made by the person with whom she is conversing. Can you explain the origin and meaning of this phrase? We are not sure if it is a mild profanity or a religious exclamation.

Ryan T.
Tyler, TX

I haven't heard Holy Buckets in years and I wonder if the young lady might come from a linguistic pocket in North Dakota where this and perhaps other archaic expressions linger on—Jeepers Creeper, Glorioso, Leaping Lizards, etc. Probably she had a beloved old grandpa who used the phrase and the child picked it up. The phrase originally referred to a sudden downpour—raining "buckets" —which, to most people, represents good luck, and so it's not a profanity—it's an expression of surprise at a (possibly) good thing. So I'd imagine the young lady finds it exciting to be in your company.

Dear Garrison,
When I came to US from China 11 years ago, I only knew a few English words. On one lonely Saturday night I randomly tuned my radio to PHC. I couldn't understand a word you said, but the laughing and clapping from the audience and the wonderful music kept me listening. It took me a couple of years before I could start to laugh at your jokes. I went to see you in Berkeley on Feb 12. I was so happy that I am finally one of your audience who I once envied.

I want to ask you a favor. I am getting married in May this year. Could you please help recommend several short poems for my best friend to read at the wedding ceremony? I think poem is the best form to express my feeling as a joyful bride, with faith in love, commitment to marriage, and confidence in living a happy life.

Thank you,
Mimi L.

An honor to make your acquaintance, my dear, and congratulations on your mastery of English. Your sentence "I was so happy that I am finally one of your audience who I once envied" is an excellent sentence, elegant and economical and very true — I remember envying Danes in Copenhagen who were laughing hard at lines in a play I couldn't understand. For a wedding poem, I recommend that you consult an anthology edited by Robert Hass and Stephen Mitchell, called Into The Garden: A Wedding Anthology which has texts from various religions and poems and lyrics, all of them suitable for a wedding ceremony. I love the Yeats poem (so short you could say it yourself to your true love) — Wine it comes in at the mouth, and love comes at the eye. That is all we know of truth 'fore we get old and die. I lift the glass up to my mouth, I look at you and sigh. — There is Robert Burns's "My love is like a red, red rose" and "A Blessing" by James Wright, good especially if you love horses. There are many good E.E. Cummings poems, including "Since feeling is first, who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you" — and of course there is "Come live with me and be my love". I happen to love a poem by Sharon Olds called "Topography" that I daresay nobody ever recited at a wedding—

After we flew across the country we got in bed, laid our bodies delicately together, like maps laid face to face, East to West, my San Francisco against your New York, your Fire Island against my Sonoma, my New Orleans deep in your Texas, your Idaho bright on my Great Lakes....

I love it when you have the audience sing alongs. Would it be possible for you to do a few more of them this season? I remember one you did years ago that had "Moon River", "It's Only a Paper Moon", and "Bad Moon On The Rise" in it. That audience was wonderful.

Andrea A.

I guess I misread the audience, Andrea, and I detected a reluctance to sing, even a faint loathing of the idea, sappy as it is. Or maybe I was projecting onto them some feelings of my own from occasions when performers have tried to bully audiences into singing. I will rethink this matter. The medley you mention sounds like fun, if one were in the mood, and torture if one were not. But I must say that our audiences thrive on singing the national anthem. Every time we do, they give a stellar performance.

Mr. Keillor,
I was listening to the News from Lake Wobegon from 4/12. You had mentioned that the band had played in Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin in Canada. Now, I had heard that there was a Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin, Maine several times; but I've never heard of one in Canada. Was this a mis-speak, or is there a Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin in Canada as well, like there are two Albanys and such?
Clarification would be very helpful on this matter.

Grace G.
Skaneateles, NY

My mistake, Grace. The town is Picadawagan.

Dear Mr. Keillor,
I'm a 22 year old college student with funny hair and funny piercings and funny tattoos. I absolutely adore your show and look forward to it every Sunday. After recently getting a PBS logo tattooed on my lower back (instead of a tribal butterfly), my tattoo artist suggested a portrait of you to show my adoration of your craft. We both really dig Praire Home Companion and you. What is your response. Your face, my bicep ?

Heather M.
Bowling Green, Kentucky

Heather, Heather. I am a 65-year-old writer with thinning hair and a pierced heart and no tattoos and I adore your letter and your spirit but I would be horrified if you had my likeness tattooed on your bicep. You asked and that's the answer, darling. It's only a radio show and these things come and go and in two years you'll be on to other things but the tattoo will hang around and when you're 35 you'll look at it and wonder, What was I thinking? You'll feel odd about wearing a short-sleeved shirt because you'll be sick of people asking you, Who is that? "Oh, somebody I used to know," you'll say. Why burden yourself with this? Life is about change and staying light on your feet and being free, and a tattoo, dear Heather, is Baggage. And your skin is lovely as it is and needs no decoration. Wait until you're 50 and your skin isn't so great and you have a better idea who you are. Check with me then, and if you want a picture of a 92-year-old guy on your bicep, hey, why not.

Post to the Host:
Has Guy Noir ever done an episode in space (or sci-fi)? Because that would make a lot of Star Wars fans very happy.

Elliott Z.
Lincoln Park, MI

Guy Noir has not left the planet, to the best of my knowledge, Elliott, and I think sci-fi should be left to those who are passionate about it, such as George Lucas, and not be taken up by us amateurs.

Post to the Host:
We lost our son in Iraq in August. Thank you for your wonderful column on the military attitude toward Iraq. So often we are asked, "Well what did your son think about our Iraq policy?". When we say that it didn't matter what he thought in terms of doing his job, people don't seem to understand. Now we can hand them a copy of your article because YOU GET IT. Thanks for appreciating and understanding…

Jim and Marilyn C.
Rochester

Our hearts go out to you, is all I can say. The loss of a child is life's cruelest blow. Four-thousand of our people have died and after five years there is no end in sight. I think there never was a coherent policy, but I stand in admiration of your son's spirit and his dedication to duty. He is part of a proud tradition that goes back to General Washington's army, many of whom got discouraged and deserted the cause, most of whom stuck to their guns, despite it all. We honor our troops for their loyalty and dedication, even as we hold our representatives responsible for the policy.

Post to the Host:
In a recent column you cite Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" and quote the line, "theirs but to do or die". Not right. It actually says "but to do AND die". Small difference in words, but a HUGE difference in meaning, when you think about it. Makes the poem even more poignant.

Fred P.
Salem, SC

You are so right, Fred. Interesting how the line got corrupted in my memory by getting tangled with the phrase "do or die".

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Post to the Host:
I've never heard you speak of motorcycle riders in Lake Wobegon. Do they not exist? A mid life crisis is a great time to pick up a new passion.

Tom L.
Ingleside, TX

The tragedy of midlife motorcycle passion is only too clear to us here at Prairie Home, Tom, in the person of Russ Ringsak, an old friend. Once a highly skilled architect in a reputable firm with a letterhead, he was gainfully employed in a white shirt and tie, drawing up floor plans of senior citizen high rises and deciding where to put the wall outlets, and then he bought a bike and eventually a Harley and suddenly he was playing in a blues band and wearing leather and now he is a crotchety old libertarian and has been forced to take a job as PHC truckdriver and as a columnist on this website. I recommend having the midlife crisis around the age of 24, it makes it so much easier for all concerned.

Dear Mr. Keillor:
My wife Amanda and I just got married. We are 21 and 22, and in the ten months leading up to the event we searched for a first dance song that would fit us perfectly until we found your version of the Beatles song "I Will".

It is an amazing song and your version made our day just that much more beautiful.

We would both like to just say…
Thank you.

Logan & Amanda S.
Franklin, TN

Congratulations and all the best to you, Logan and Amanda. Prudence Johnson and I sang that song and of course we would've loved to come to Tennessee and sing it at the reception, but weddings tend to be on Saturdays and that's a work day for me. Now you and Amanda just need to try singing it. You can form a lovely duet together and "I Will" is a perfect song to start with, or "You Are My Sunshine" or the Everlys' stuff—old hymns like "Softly and Tenderly"—the list goes on and on. But you can start with those words…

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Ah, you know I will
I will

And don't forget the "La la la la la, la la la la" at the end.

Sir:
Great column about the volcano of finance. You may be good at spelling but a little short on grammar; regarding your sixth paragraph, it should read "The Puritans from whom I am descended from …" The pot calling the kettle black?

I always enjoy your column.
Peter G.

I prefer my version, "The Puritans who I am descended from were not cockeyed optimists."—"The Puritans from whom I am descended from" sounds rather clunky to me. But thanks for the suggestion.

Dear Garrison,
I'm a 27-year-old gen-Xer whose roots lay in grunge rock and pop punk (i once sported a mohawk for a week). Given that it catches some people off guard to walk by and see me listening to your show. Admittedly the music doesn't always resonate with me (though who can't love the Wailin' Jennies or the Boys of the Lough?) but the overall feel of the show and especially the news from your home town have made it a staple in my weekly routine. The news from Lake Wobegon surrounds my mind with an air of rare familiarity. I always get wistful when the show closes and you sing "It's been somethin' seein' you again" and this makes it hard to put in a punk album after the show is done because I like to ride that wistful feeling in silence for a bit. All this to say thank you.

Nathan C.
Golden, CO

Interesting that you say your "roots" are in grunge and punk, Nathan. Twenty-seven is too old for punk. You have to be an adolescent which, nowadays, thanks to the growth hormones in milk, starts around ten. That part of your life is done gone and now you're shopping for something else that might last you for awhile. The problem with being cool is that it's competitive and you wake up in the morning feeling suddenly uncool and no longer caring. This happens after twenty-five or so. What appeals to you about the show is the old pleasure of being spoken to and not having to respond, a childlike pleasure, but also it represents a different layer of language than grunge/punk and language, Nathan, is a pleasure that only grows with time. It's the basis of social attraction, I think, that can carry you across lines of class and education and race. And age, and perceived cultural identity. It's one thing that can haul us out of ourselves and allow us to feel life's gentle rain on our epidermis. Language is our skin. Also our lips and probably most of what we think of as our brain. Onward, young Nathan. Glad to have you with us for as long as it intrigues you.