Garrison
I have to say you are the only person I am aware of with such a first
name. And a fine, noble moniker it is. Did your parents have a particular reason
for choosing it?

My son's middle name is Garrison, being a twist on the term, "Gary's son."

Regards,

Gary
Sacramento

I'm afraid there are a number of other Garrisons running around, most of them under 15, who got tagged by parents who listen to "A Prairie Home Companion," and I always shudder inwardly when I meet one, and say a little prayer that the name will not be too clunky for them. I went to school with a Herman and a Sheldon whose names were a little heavy for them, I think. Though there also was a Thatcher in our class and he loved his name and carried it with elegance. I am responsible for the name Garrison, not my parents. My mother named me Gary which was a popular name in 1942 thanks to Gary Cooper the movie star. When I got to junior high school and started writing poetry for the school literary magazine, I thought I needed a pen name and I picked up Garrison — I liked the sound of it and the meaning of it (fortress) and it was the first name of Garry Moore, a radio and TV star who was especially beloved in our home — and I used that through high school and then in college, and it stuck. I'm used to it now, of course, but sometimes it strikes me as clunky or pretentious, which it is, but here I am. Family and old friends call me Gary, and maybe I'll go back to that someday.

Garrison,
I was at a funeral recently for a long-time Chicago theatre producer. Apparently, when you're in the theatre and you die, people give you a standing ovation and cheer, like, "hey, great job in this life. Now, go on to your next show!" Well, there were the first few awkward seconds of the ovation—as many were not familiar with the tradition and were apprehensive about clapping. The person who started this ovation yelled, "Way to go, Tony!" and started his slow loud clap. But once people caught on, they really cheered. I really hope people do this for me. I would invite you to mine but I'm only 32 and I hope not to die for a while. You're a few years older than I am ... so, if you go before I do, I'd be more than happy to start the clapping off for you. But, hopefully, that won't be for a while either.

Well, all my best to you and your endeavors.

Jenny
Chicago

If you should attend my funeral rites, Chicago Jenny, you'll be very brave if you start clapping. And you shouldn't expect other people to follow. I'll probably expire right here in St. Paul and these people know me much too well and aren't about to give me a standing O. They'll figure I got enough cheap praise in life and now it's time to face the music. That's why I've specified no eulogy. I don't want somebody to have the job of embroidering a big fanciful account of my life. But it's awfully generous of you to offer to attend. You're the first person to mention this.

Dear Garrison,
I just read your article in praise of libraries. I am a retired school librarian and I couldn't agree more with your memories of the libraries of your childhood, and the current state of affairs.

You have put into words the feelings of distress I have when I visit a new library done in "warehouse motif." We have a local library that you wouldn't believe. The major decorating element is "rebar." It hangs from the ceiling in the patron areas and greets you at the entrance. It sounds like something from a comedy sketch, but I'm afraid it is all too real.

Barbara A.
Phoenix, AZ

The 19th Century and early 20th built some magnificent structures, Barbara, and we should not be knocking them down because they are irreplaceable. In my hometown of Anoka, back in the Sixties, a generation of idiots in power destroyed six or seven landmarks of the town, including the old Carnegie library and the county courthouse and replaced them with warehouses. The town lost some of its character and the damage is permanent. Those buildings were loved and the ones that replaced them are merely functional. There is something in the hearts of county commissioners that wants to make an impact with a wrecking ball. But the real fault, I suppose, lies with people like me who saw what needed to be done and didn't do it and who didn't do the hard work of figuring out how to adapt the old buildings to new purposes.

Dear Mr. Keillor,
Last night, on the national evening news, it was reported that contrary to popular opinion, the ingredients in tomatoes does not prevent many kinds of cancer.

Is there any reason now to eat a nice tomato, mozzarella and basil salad, or even spaghetti marinara?

Mostly, is there a reason for you to continue advertising the benefits of catsup/ketchup on PHC?

I look forward to your opinion.

Sandy
San Clemente, CA


The Evening News, Sandy, cannot be relied upon for nutritional advice. We know this. Last night they bad-mouthed the tomato and then next week they'll be raving about it. These things go up and down, up and down. Constant revisionism. What we have claimed for the tomato, however, is not a cure for cancer — we have only said that it has "natural mellowing agents," particularly when ingested in the form of catchup. I think that this speaks for itself and needs no endorsement from Katie Couric or whoever's news you're watching these days. I am an old hand when it comes to tomatoes, having grown up with a garden that was full of them, and on a day in July, when I had finished hoeing corn, on my way back to the house to read a book, I always picked a fresh tomato and wiped it off and ate it, warm, raw, and that taste is one I remember to this day. It made a person's toes tingle. The Fifties were not the happiest time, what with the Cold War and all, but the tomato did a lot to lighten the burden, in my opinion. If you are turning away from the tomato, Sandy, what will you turn to? The pomegranate? The orange? The parsnip? Arugula? Somehow these seem like pale substitutes to me. You can't dump a whole species just because of one bad rap. It's like San Clemente itself, which is permanently associated in the minds of older Americans with the word "disgrace," simply because You Know Who went there after leaving Washington. Well, it's unfair to you and to other San Clementeans. Give Tomatoes A Chance. That's all I'm saying.

Post to the Host:
I am interested in your take on the July 7 New Hampshire bank robbery where "a man walked in with leafy boughs duct–taped to his head and torso." How does the Duct Tape Council react to this sort of product use? To me, the most amazing thing about the whole episode is that someone actually recognized the individual from a surveillance photo. Perhaps he simply ran out of duct tape before his body was adequately covered. Now there's the real tragedy in the whole situation. Is there an impending duct tape shortage we should know about?

Richard H.
Boxborough, MA US

America is well supplied with duct tape, sir, so you can sleep soundly tonight. The factories in Bridgeport and Akron are running full–steam and our security forces are equipped with all the duct–tape they need. The man in New Hampshire was a bank examiner who was testing the bank's security system and specifically their surveillance cameras and everything worked exactly as it should, despite the camouflage. I am sure that he and the police had a good laugh about the whole thing at the station. If you're considering robbing a bank, I would recommend that you use a ski mask. It's the traditional way.

Post to the Host:
Sorry that this University of Minnesota grad ('79) won't be standing on the pier to welcome you to Trondheim, Norway when the MS Veendam ties up to our shores. I'm off on my own cruise, celebrating the completion of chemotherapy with 100% success. But I can vouch for your route and tell you that you have a great trip ahead of you!

I wanted to point out a few local sights and trivia for the interest of you and your 1,200 fellow travelers.

You will be greeted by Leif Eiriksson, whose statue stands on the pier in front of my workplace, the Leif Eirksson Center. As the adjoining plaque states, the statue was given by the families of many Norwegian-Americans descendants on the occasion of Trondheim's 1000 year celebration in 1997. You might also be on the lookout amongst the grandeur of Saint Olavs Cathedral for a likeness of another Minnesota native. During the 1960's while the sculpture of the archangel Michael was being chiseled and hammered, the face of Bob Dylan was chosen as an expression for the sculptor's support of Dylan's opposition to the Vietnam War. Look for it on the top of the tallest tower at the West Front of "Domkirka". (It's also described in the pamphlet sold in the visitors center). Norwegian-Americans have given another wonderful gift to the City and to the Cathedral. Back 80 or more years ago, midwestern congregations collected pennies, nickels, dimes and dollars to create a cross that stands on the alter under the great spire ... a large cross of silver, perhaps over 200 pounds of silver if I remember correctly. Quite stunning.

Be sure to stop at the town square market and pick up a pint of the best strawberries in the world. Just ask my better half, Grethe.

Dan
Trondheim, Norway

We're all looking forward to Trondheim and to Flom and Bergen and the Sognefjord and the sights of Norway — and also the long days as we steam north. As I write this, I'm in a hotel in Copenhagen, waiting for the bus to take us to the ship. Everybody flew in yesterday (except a few of us wise old birds who know enough not to cut these trips too close and to allow a day for queasiness) and the lobby was crowded with wan faces and a few stricken ones — about sixteen of the travelers had the misfortune of getting involved with a particular Major American Airline which sent their luggage off to Dahomey or some place and these folks are now having to purchase clean underwear at Illums department store. But this is in the nature of big trips — you have to deal with small catastrophes. And once they reach Trondheim, they will be all right, I'm sure.

Post to the Host:

"The state of American humor is Arkansas."
- Garrison Keillor

Looking forward to your next trip to Hot Springs. Can't believe you haven't made it an annual trip.

Joe J.
Little Rock

Wherever did you find that quote, Joe? I don't remember it. I don't question that I said it, it just escapes me why I should say that when I had not even been to Arkansas. My old editor at The New Yorker and The Atlantic is in Little Rock, Bill Whitworth, and he never spoke of the state with anything but fondness, so it's a mystery. Glibness is the bane of humorists. We toss off lines because we like the sound of them, without paying too much attention to what they mean. I sure hope that quote dies a natural death.

Mr. Keillor,
Why does your summer touring schedual end 4th of July weekend? It's around the 4th that summer really starts. Is it because many people go on vacation and are too busy to listen? Or do you and the crew need a much-deserved break? Or does all of this nice weather draw all of the people from the Frozen Tundra, so you'd be doing shows for an empty auditorium at the Fitz?

Grace G.
Skaneateles, NY

I was driving down the West River Road in Minneapolis last Saturday, Grace, and turned on the radio and there was our show, a rerun from Tanglewood, and at 5 p.m. Central Daylight Time, this just seemed weird beyond belief. It's too sunny out, too wonderful, kids riding around on bikes, folks out walking. A show like ours ought to be on after dark, I think. At 5 p.m. in January, it makes perfect sense. I'd love to do a live show in the summer but do it around 9 p.m. The sun is going down, the air is cool, and after a day outdoors, people are ready to listen to something.

Post to the Host:
I just wanted to tell you that all your fans in Australia are delighted that our national broadcaster has at last decided to start broadcasting the PHC again after a break of about 15 years.

Back then you were played here at dinner-time. I guess because of your manner of delivery my wife always thought you were a Christian minister of some kind. Ours is not a Christian home and she disapproved and never really listened, so the idea persisted. She was also puzzled, because I've always been a very devout atheist. My fandom continued even though you weren't on the air. It was only years later while I was enjoying a tape of the show that the penny dropped.

Barry S.
Sydney, Australia

Glad to be back on the air in Australia, son. The problem was at this end — we wanted so badly to be on the air there that we wrote to Australian Broadcasting and campaigned to resume the show and of course they resisted being sold something by Yanks. We should've written to them about our extreme disinterest. As for my voice, I grew up listening to preachers holding a big black Bible in one hand and gesturing with the other, rising up on their toes for emphasis, and I guess I've picked up some of their habits. How could one not? I'm a Christian but I intend no harm to your non-Christian home and am very grateful to be taken into it.

Dear Mr. Keillor:
Does it ever irritate you when people refer to APHC as an "NPR" show? Because, as far as I know, it was NPR that turned down the show back in 1978 and it's American Public Media that distributes it now.

It's astonishing to see how consistently this error is made. I've seen it in AP stories, on public radio station Web sites and even on the Web sites of musical artists who are careful to point out that they have appeared on your show. Or am I wrong?

Edmund M.
Energy, IL

PHC was never distributed by NPR, and you're right about NPR declining to distribute it lo these many years ago, but no, it doesn't bother me. NPR is the organization in Washington and "NPR" is the common term for public radio, sort of like kleenex means tissue and xerox means photocopy, even if you're using Scott Tissue and an HP copier. I suppose the NPR references bother the folks at APM and they probably have someone whose job it is to call up the AP and complain, but I don't care. I am just very very grateful that NPR didn't pick up the show for distribution back then because if they had, I'm pretty sure the show would've died a painful death by committee. They can have all the credit the AP wants to give them, so long as I don't have to report to some vice-president in Washington.