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April 6, 2007 | 4 Comments

Dear Garrison:
I had the great pleasure of seeing your 3/31 broadcast in person at Town Hall with my wife and two friends. We loved it. The four of us, however, could not understand the on-going exchange of paper (scripts? invoices? contracts?) that goes on throughout the show along with lots of very serious looking conversations between you and the stage manager. What gives? We were all assuming you would have everything ready before 6:00PM but... maybe not!

Best regards,

Tim B.
Metuchen NJ

You are perspicacious indeed when you mention invoices and contracts, sir. I like to keep very close track of every aspect of the show and no detail is too small to engage my interest. Mr. Webster the stage manager is bringing to me invoices from the piano tuner, the sound company, the stagehands' union, the makeup and hairdressers' guild, the limo company, and also our caterer, Brosnan's Prestige Hospitality of — wait a minute — Metuchen — hmmmmm — which regularly overcharges us for mustard and mayo packets that we did not use and though it's a tiny tiny thing, it really burns my bacon. I mean, I am primarily concerned with the quality of the show itself, but something in me rebels against the idea that some bandit from Jersey is skinning us alive on the corned beef and putting in fewer and fewer slices into each sandwich while charging us the same insane price and meanwhile we are being charged for pickles that, I swear this is true, DID NOT COME WITH THE ORDER. Were not there. Not delivered!!! And yet right there on the invoice it says "1 qt dills sliced". Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. Just because we are from Minnesota, do you people think we have DUMMY written on our foreheads? If you cut us, do we not bleed? Anyway, that's what I'm doing on stage with Mr. Webster. Also we're figuring out what we need to cut in order to get off the air on time.


Darn those corned beef-cheatin' Jersey devils!!
I adore you, and your red sneakers.

Ohhhh, GK, you're just s'cute when you're angry and stomping up and down in your scarlet sneaks! Mmm mm mm . . . I love a rebel over a nickle for a pickle!

My current "corned beef" is with a certain drug company which puts each pill in one of those bubbles you have to peel from the corner, 2 cardboard boxes with 14 pills, both of which are in a third cardboard box. Where were they on Earth Day? When I complained, they sent me a free box of the same contraptions! And these I have to take for the rest of my life!

I am a caterer and would like to appologize on behalf of my entire profession. I'm from South Dakota and we would never cheat you in that manner. Why do you use a caterer from New Jersey? Find some nice mid-westerner who had plans to make it big on Broadway and ended up in food service instead, perferably one battered enough to put up with the long hours and horrible pay but not so dispondant as to take it out on the poor people in show business who have been successfull enough to order catered food.

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