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March 28, 2007 | 2 Comments

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I see in the Arizona Republic that the Border Patrol will be deploying an unmanned spyplane (a "drone") along the North Dakota border to watch for Canadians as they try to sneak into the USA to create mayhem. Thought you'd want to know, since you and I share a fear of those dreadful albeit courteous people — and it is your neighborhood that will be the theater of operations. You know how those people up there covet what we have.

Robert S.
Phoenix

They don't covet anything in Minnesota, sir, I can assure you of that. They know us too well. They are trying to get to Phoenix, Mr. S. It has been a long winter and they are wending their way south and will arrive just in time for your killer summer which will render them dazed and helpless. There could be thousands of them, sitting in shopping malls, overdressed, depressed, and yet terribly polite and unwilling to ask for help. You may have to force them to accept help, in the form of counseling, namely: "Go back to Manitoba." Phoenix surely does not need more northerners. We become gloomy and despondent when the temperature gets up over 100 degrees and we are likely to go berserk and attack people with caulking guns.


2 Comments


No, Mr. Keillor, I am afraid you are mistaken. these Canadians are dangerous. They are intending to bring in fresh-milk unaged cheese. (Contrary to federal law!) They are aiming to weaken our resolve by transforming our youth into the light version of Continentals they are. Then they will remove the finesse which with American's play hockey , and substitute their own version of bone chushing hockey. Then we will be powerless before our enemies.


Your comments regarding far northerners sweltering miserably in the Phoenix oven brings to mind my all-time favorite bumper sticker (which was seen in Arizona): "So many snowbirds, so little freezer space".

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