Host Garrison Keillor answers your questions about life, love, writing, authors, and of course, A Prairie Home Companion.
Send GK Your Question »
Post to the Host: I'm
February 10, 2005 |
Post to the Host:
I'm a freshman at a private school in NYC and am on the wrestling team. This Wednesday we are wrestling a team from a Lutheran school. I was wondering whether you could give me any advise for the match, maybe some secrets you know about beating Lutherans. Thanks a lot.
New York City
Will, you're going to want to work up some real lunatic ferocity foaming at the mouth, eyes flashing, nostrils flaring, and so forth and come out at the opening whistle and strike hard and low come hurtling at him at ankle height while letting out a shriek and drop him like a sack of potatoes while he is still going into his crouch and throw yourself across his shoulders with one knee on his windpipe and pin him. Wham. Lutherans are not known for swiftness or ferocity they take awhile to warm up their sense of righteousness to the point of anger. Sudden inexplicable violence is almost always a good tactic against them. After you humiliate this guy, though, he is going to shake your hand and congratulate you and really mean it and you're going to feel like a complete jerk. So be ready for waves of self-loathing afterward.