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Dear Garrison, Speaking for the

January 21, 2004 |

Dear Garrison,
Speaking for the Dutch Calvinists of northwest Iowa, I'd really like to thank you for honoring us so favorably in your January 17th show. Your constant attention to the Lutherans sometimes irritated us a bit; after all, we're out here in the rural Midwest too. At the same time, however, we've never said a thing because we know, at base, our envy is pure covetousness. Now we'll have to fight off the pride, but you can be confident we'll work at it.

—Aunt Emma, who is a wonder with the needles, is already fashioning a doily for you with T-U-L-I-P set gracefully into the embroidery. We're sure you'll love it.

Thank you, Jim,
And let me remind the non-Calvinists that TULIP stands for Total Depravity, Unconditional Election, Limited Atonement, Irresistible Grace, Perseverance of the Saints. And that's John Calvin, not Calvin Trillin.

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