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Shy Persons

July 6, 2003 |


Garrison:

My daughter is 20 years old and very shy. She is in college and doing very well but is deathly afraid of new people, especially boys. She's very pretty but does not date. I am afraid that people sometimes mistake her shyness for aloofness. I have tried to convince her to take the first step with people and smile often. But she feels that this is hypocritical. Any advice from you? Maybe I should just butt out, as she is now an adult?

Lila

Don't butt out, don't butt in. Be a friend, mama, and enjoy the company of this bright attractive young person who (miraculously) you raised and who now is independent of you and therefore able to become a friend and confidante. Lighten up. Friends don't nag. Smile at her and she'll be happy to smile back. She'll date when she's ready to and when she meets somebody she feels a fondness for. Don't worry how other people might perceive her. Enjoy the time you get to spend with her and don't darken it with hissy lectures on personal comportment and social skills.

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