From the Joke Collection
Murphy's Laws - a continuum:
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
If you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from New York City would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance for getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
A day without sunshine is like a night.
He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Change is envitable, except from a vending machine. ”
—Charlie Kenyon, Freeland, MI, Michigan