Murphy's Laws - a continuum:

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

If you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from New York City would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance for getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

A day without sunshine is like a night.

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Change is envitable, except from a vending machine.

—Charlie Kenyon, Freeland, MI, Michigan