Pretty Good Jokes

Hodge Podge Jokes
Murphy's Laws - a continuum:

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

If you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from New York City would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance for getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

A day without sunshine is like a night.

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Change is envitable, except from a vending machine.


—Charlie Kenyon, Freeland, MI, Michigan

Submit a Joke!

* indicates required field

*
*
*
*
*
*
 





 



 

Note: Children under the age of 13 must have a parent or guardian's consent before submitting a joke.

THE FINE PRINT: All submitted jokes are reviewed by A Prairie Home Companion staff, may be edited for length, clarity, or content and may be posted on other American Public Media Web sites. For further information, please consult our Terms of Use.

 

More from the Show

Upcoming Shows

July 4-6: St. Paul, MN

TICKETS AVAILABLE »

A Prairie Home Companion's 40th Anniversary Celebration

August 29: Minnesota State Fair, Falcon Heights, MN

TICKETS AVAILABLE »

With Special Guest: Aoife O'Donovan

Browse Jokes

Like the Joke Show?
How About Even More Jokes?

This 2-CD collection brings you the best jokes and sketches featured on four recent editions (11/6/2004, 2/3/2007, 3/8/2008 & 11/1/2008). Joining Garrison Keillor in the laughs are Sue Scott, Tim Russell, Tom Keith along with special guests.

More Info»
Subscribe to the weekly Prairie Home Companion newsletter for a preview of each week's show, audio highlights, recent columns and more
A Prairie Home Companion on Facebook
A Prairie Home Companion on Twitter
American Public Media © |   Terms and Conditions   |   Privacy Policy